My best guess, the reason why I've lived this long is because of my total failure in trying to kill myself.
Oh, you may remember when ZBF first hit and how the world's scientists were dropping everything to come up with a cure and blah blah blah. And how all that panic turned to ecstasy after it was revealed that, yes, yes!, they'd incredibly found a cure for the blasted thing!
But before it could be properly distributed, reversing the looming human extinction, you may recall how that vaccine Innoc® got tied up in several fiery patent lawsuits-- with warehouses of the stuff just sitting in boxes as the lawyers hashed it out.
And sure, we'd often see Yahoo! news blurbs about how the vaccine is "hovering at the edge of approval" (if you missed them, they were usually a couple headlines down from stories about the latest retailer to get embroiled in a public policy fight and updates on the dwindling list of those to have not yet slept with Russell Brand [very often charitably broken down into "Men," "Women" and "Domesticated Other"]).
Part of the problem, it turns out-- and I learned this through conversations over the past several weeks and months, held at various levels of intelligibility-- is that some of the lawyers in the patent dispute themselves became infected but, as no one who knew them could actually tell the difference, the proceedings degenerated into an even more protracted trading of edicts and C&D's and counterclaims until a majority of one group of attorneys sort of ate the other.
And, since it was understandably difficult to find replacement representation, as of this writing, the case is still "pending."
So, then, what about those of us who are no longer pure human? We must ask ourselves, we who have begun "the turn," What's our future like?
Okay, there isn't one.
That's the thought that led me to a local pharmacy-- drunk and infected, already starting to turn, and seeking enough painkillers to punch my ticket for the way out. I was nearly undead and I wanted to die.
But, it didn't turn out that way.
It didn't turn out that way at all.