Parents often wonder--"Are we pushing our children too much, or too little?" What do kids really need to be successful and happy people? For parents, how they answer this question will determine how they will raise their children, what lessons their children will learn, what values they will adopt, and, ultimately, what kinds of adults they will become. Taylor, an experienced doctor of psychology, gives parents clear and balanced instruction on how to encourage children just enough to produce a happy, successful, satisfied achiever. Pushed properly, Taylor believes, children will grow into adults ready to tackle life's many challenges. Using his three-pillared approach, Taylor focuses on self-esteem, ownership, and emotional mastery, and maintains that rather than being a means of control, pushing should be both a source of motivation and a catalyst for growth which can instill important values in children's lives. He teaches parents how to temper their own expectations to suit their children's emotional, intellectual, and physical development, and identifies common red flags that indicate when a child is being pushed too hard--or not enough. Whether a child's potential for achievement lies in academics, the arts, sports, or other areas, Dr. Taylor's insight and guidance will push parents, teachers, and coaches to nurture children into successful and happy adults.
Pushy parents have gotten a bad rap, says psychologist and achievement coach Jim Taylor. In Positive Pushing
, Taylor contrasts the old-style pushing of parents overinvested in their kid's report cards and soccer scores with the positive pushing of parents who invite children to gain joy from and mastery in their accomplishments. "Success without happiness is not success at all," he explains.
In building a model of successful achievers, Taylor skewers the self-esteem movement for protecting kids from disappointment and mistakes--the very experiences that build sturdy self-regard. He urges parents to separate their needs from their children's. His marching orders are clear and compelling: guide kids to discover a passion; express love apart from achievement; create a human being, not a "human doing"; use boundaries to construct a safe harbor; and demand accountability. Most important, put kids in charge by teaching them that the results they produce depend on their efforts and actions. Taylor describes red-flag warnings to keep parents on course and offers smart questions for helping kids command their achievements, asking, for example, "Why do you want to do this?" and "What would make this a really great experience for you?"
At times, Taylor's unique approach is undercut by a tendency to quote other sources. Still, his own fresh and insightful words will inspire every parent who reads this book. --Barbara Mackoff