Hello Art, I am not qualified to comment your poem in other way that the way of a friend, and as such I would have end the poem at the first stanza….
And I leave you with this—
the night, it’s near silence,
only the sound of my blood
taking a hard right turn
in my foot . . .
seems so much whispering to the reader in a beautiful way…The second stanza become too intimate with the poet….It is my humble point of view…
Perhaps you’re right, yann, about the intimacy. I think I was trying to say that somehow, in a Jungian way, the human heart is connected, as in the idea of the collective conscious that Jung put forth. Perhaps Roy is right in this regard—imminently readable, imminently obscure. You read with great clarity the first stanza, but the ambiguity of the second was not readily accessible.
The sound of blood taking a hard right turn—perhaps there’s an element of the obscure in these words. I was thinking of the effect of inertia when a sudden turn is made, and tried to relate that to blood making a barely perceptible sound against the walls of a vein. Only a physician would be interested in such a phenomena! But I think it underscore my thought of “intimacy” but not necessarily in terms of romantic feelings. Perhaps it demonstrates to some degree Roy’s point about accessibility/obscurity. If this makes no sense, the poem is probably a failure.
Comments (6)
August 7th, 2008 at 7:15 am
No, my Muse didn’t die, and I didn’t forget to write her a check!
art
August 7th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Hello Art, I am not qualified to comment your poem in other way that the way of a friend, and as such I would have end the poem at the first stanza….
And I leave you with this—
the night, it’s near silence,
only the sound of my blood
taking a hard right turn
in my foot . . .
seems so much whispering to the reader in a beautiful way…The second stanza become too intimate with the poet….It is my humble point of view…
regards
yann
August 7th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Perhaps you’re right, yann, about the intimacy. I think I was trying to say that somehow, in a Jungian way, the human heart is connected, as in the idea of the collective conscious that Jung put forth. Perhaps Roy is right in this regard—imminently readable, imminently obscure. You read with great clarity the first stanza, but the ambiguity of the second was not readily accessible.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment—
art
August 7th, 2008 at 9:15 am
The sound of blood taking a hard right turn—perhaps there’s an element of the obscure in these words. I was thinking of the effect of inertia when a sudden turn is made, and tried to relate that to blood making a barely perceptible sound against the walls of a vein. Only a physician would be interested in such a phenomena! But I think it underscore my thought of “intimacy” but not necessarily in terms of romantic feelings. Perhaps it demonstrates to some degree Roy’s point about accessibility/obscurity. If this makes no sense, the poem is probably a failure.
art
August 7th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
But even failure is an exercise in the “possible”, or a least the pursuit thereof, and that underscore the worth of persistence.
art
August 9th, 2008 at 4:24 am
Thanks for the helpful explanations Art, you are denititly a man of resourcefulness….
regards
yann