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You have promised a new life to me,
You have promised to satisfy my needs,
Humble flower of all my dreams,
The most essential deed of my dreams!
Even though sometimes I could be sad,
I can be impressed by your aimless furies,
But I’m still attracted by your smooth love.
Assuage me with your romantic words!
Cajole me with your soft, tender voice,
Remain always very close to me.
Allow me to judge my reactions.
I’m still waiting for your forgiveness.
Thus, I’m imploring you painfully,
Honorable Rose of my worships,
The one who makes my heart vibrate,
The only one my restless soul claims,
So far, I’m running out of options.
My heart is craving for your love,
My soul, in other hand, is questing for you
Will you think of returning close to them?
(My new book, Regeneration:
The Way, The Truth, The Life is available today
For more info, please visit
www.JhonnyThermidor.net)
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Comments (17)
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:39 am
Hello Mcloca
I don’t think if seen your work here before. If you’re new, very welcome
Do you want critique on your poetry? I’m asking because sometimes people just want to show their work and aren’t interested in what other people think may be wrong with a poem.
Kind regards
De Waal
December 6th, 2007 at 4:49 am
Hello McLoca
Your poem consists of four quatrains and a concluding single line. You do not employ end-rhyme, nor a set metric scheme, although there is a tendency to iambic feet.
The Speaker in the poem addresses another person (a beloved) – let us assume it is a man-woman relationship, but it could be something else as well – the poem relates the difficulties the two lovers have (aimless furies) and ends in the Speaker beseeching his his beloved to “remain close to them”.
I assume this means that the Speaker is asking his beloved to return his love. But the words are puzzling. To what should the lover remain close to? Who or what is “them”?
“The only one who makes vibrate my heart,” When you reverse word order like this in a modern poem, you have to have a very good reason for it. There seems no good reason here.
In some lines the grammar seems a little suspect: “The words originated your deep heart”. Do you mean “The words originated IN your deep heart”?
The poem shows strong emotion and it has potential as a love poem. I suggest you take a careful look at the flow of the sentences, normalise the grammar and clarify the end. Re-submit and maybe we can help improving it even more.
Kind regards
De Waal
December 25th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Thanks, but i did correct it, I’m trying to get used to the website…
December 29th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Hi, Jhonny. I read your profile, and I wish that all the poets here would provide some words about themselves that would help the reader to better understand the poems. That, however, is a personal prerogative, and I respect what each poet decides to do.
Like, DeWaal, I am impressed with the power of your poem, but I am somewhat distracted by what appears to be grammatical weaknesses, and matters of syntax. These are things that you can be dealt with, and will take your beautiful art to a higher level.
Best wishes,
Art
December 30th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
This one was the first poem I ever wrote, I know how weak the grammar could be during my first experience. But, when framing the next ones, I would take more time to observe each sentence and least time in acting with haste to submit them! Thanks to both of you for showing me my weaknesses, and I’m would feel happier to ameliorate my skills!
January 1st, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Hi, again, Jhonny! Your poems are read by many on this site, and that tells me that you have things to say that resonate in the soul of the reader. I enjoy your poetry very much, and I wish you the very best as you write and develop your artistry.
Happy New Year!
Art
January 5th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Ah, who doesn’t love a good love poem with it strident pleading for forgiveness and acceptance, and the need to be recognized and reconciled in the art of relationships? This poem, in my estimation, is about all of these and more. Hats off to you for singing a song that touches the hearts of so many in a world so much in need of love and understanding.
My best wishes,
Art
January 5th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Thanks a lot for your inspiring comment, and I felt so astonished to seethat my poems are read by many. Hope you have a “Happy New Year” too. Once again, thanks!
January 7th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Thanks to everybody and specially to those who have visited my page. Thanks for your support and for being interested in some of my poems!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Hi, jhonny. I read your poem again today, and it seems you have revised it. A deeply touching poem is more beautiful than ever.
Congratulations, and best wished,
Art
January 27th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Thanks!
September 27th, 2008 at 11:00 am
cynthiadona2008@yahoo.com
My Dearest One Greetings to you, I hope this mail will find you well & healthy and I hope we can established a relationship since we are meeting here for the first time, I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you and I was impressed when i saw your profile and in(www.americanpoems.com) decide to communicate with you. It is my desire to know you, I like honesty, trust, love, caring,truth,& respect, I have all this qulities in me,kindly respond to me through my private mail box (cynthiadona2008@yahoo.com) so we can know ourself ‘s better. I hope to read from you if your are also interested. Thanks and hoping to hear from you soonest.Please try to mail me through my e mail address so that i can send you my photo and also you send yours to me you know i am in love with you.miss cynthia.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Hello,
Thank you for your poem.
March 27th, 2009 at 2:30 am
hi jhonny and friend
that is a very good poem
if you want to help child of Thailand with your poem
click link
http://www.americanpoems.com/members/walunchai
April 6th, 2009 at 9:59 am
What a lovely poem,indeed!
I just love it.
The way you have put your feelings in words is peculiar nd heart-touching.
July 21st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
(My New Poetry Book (The Language Of Love)
is available Online and in bookstores
It’s A collection Of Poems (mostly about Love)
More Info? http://www.xlibris.com/TheLanguageOfLove)
July 21st, 2009 at 6:58 pm
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