Books : Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person
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In association with Amazon.com
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by: Martha Heineman Pieper
Binding: Hardcover
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.64
EAN: 9781558321427
ISBN: 155832142X
Label: Harvard Common Press
Manufacturer: Harvard Common Press
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 288
Publication Date: 1999-04
Publisher: Harvard Common Press
Sales Rank: 688627
Studio: Harvard Common Press
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Editorial Review:
Product Description:
No parent wants to be a disciplinarian, but most fear that the only alternative is permissiveness. Not so, says Drs. Martha and William Pieper, the husband-wife team, parents of five themselves, who have written this revolutionary new volume based on years on groundbreaking research.
Amazon.com Review:
Parents and experts tend to be divided into two embittered camps: strong discipline and permissiveness. How about another choice? Now comes Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person, a book exploring Martha Heineman Pieper and William J. Pieper's alternative approach to raising responsible, smart, loving children. The authors are longtime experts in child and family psychology. She's a psychotherapist who works with both children and adults, and he's a child psychologist and psychoanalyst. Together, they've raised five children while professionally researching the roots and keys to children's inner happiness. Their 'Smart Love' approach to child rearing will provide a breath of relief for parents uncomfortable with formal methods of discipline, but deeply concerned with providing their kids with strong, safe limits.
Focusing in turn on babies, toddlers, young children, older children, adolescents, and kids with special circumstances (including adoption and learning disabilities), the Piepers argue effectively that 'tough love' doesn't work, and that parents will get more cooperation if they focus on their child's inner happiness and 'avoid unnecessary confrontations with children about behavior for which they will eventually assume responsibility.' While this approach may initially feel radical to some, the Piepers' clear explanations and force of research and practice will win converts to their gentle, strong approach. The Piepers write, 'Time-outs, restrictions, punishments, and other forms of discipline are based on the assumption that being too nice to children who are 'misbehaving' will encourage and reward bad behavior.' Instead of discipline (or permissiveness), the authors recommend that parents parent by 'loving regulation,' an alternative approach to out-of-control behavior that stops the behavior immediately but doesn't deprive the child of parental warmth or admiration. Smart Love will help parents raise confident, resourceful, and compassionate children. --Ericka Lutz
Customer Reviews
Average Rating: 
Rating:  - A Book for everyone
I read this book a few days ago and I loved it. It's awesome. I rarely agree so much with a way of rearing children. Though I'm not a parent I could take a lot of useful information from there, both regarding my own childhood, my future parenting skills when I need them, and the way how we should relate to each other.
Smart Love focuses on rearing children based on the principles that children are individuals whose minds are still developing, but who we should with respect nonetheless.It's ... Read More
Rating:  - Smart Love is "good management"
I live in Chicago, where the Pfeiffers have written a column for the local parenting magazine for years. Their comments made such sense to me that I was eager to read their book....and I'm glad I did. My only quibble with this book and this approach is that there is a lot of psychoanalytic discussion which may not always 'reach" the non mental health professional.
I'm in business and I've managed teams. A lot of "Smart Love" to me seems like good management:
. Good managers ... Read More
Rating: - Smart Love; at last
Excellent book. How refreshing to hear, from profesionals, what we all know in our hearts but struggle to trust in a society that values punishment and feeds its economy by exploiting human suffering rather than creating solutions to it.Smart Love is the theory I've been waiting for. Congratulations to the authors for getting it out. When it arrived I coudln't put it down untill I'd finnished it. Now I'm reading it again with my partner and already it's making a difference to our daughter who has struggled ... Read More
Rating: - Science plus good practical advice makes for real parenting help
This is the first parenting book I have read (and I read them by the bushel-full) that offers a coherent, scientifically based view of childhood and the parenting relationship and then develops practical, doable parenting strategies based on the findings. Most parenting advice is so ad hoc that contradictions abound. The Piepers have an empirically based view of the unique nature of the baby's mind and how parents need to respond in ways that account for that immaturity. The same holds true of children all ... Read More
Rating: - The ONLY Scientific Approach to Parenting!
I am a clinical psychologist with expertise in developmental psychology. I have been impressed with the Piepers' work, both Smart Love and Addicted to Unhappiness, because it is the only approach to child development and self-help that actually draws from current empirical research. For example, Regina Sullivan's work showing that rat pups learn to love odors that are paired with electric shocks supports the Piepers' argument that we are all born to love the care we get. Meltzoff's work on imitation in newborns ... Read More
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